Coca chewing is practiced by indigenous peoples throughout South America Simple village disputes are debated by tribal elders for days on end, often ending in a spirit journey where nobody remember: how the dispute began in the first place and is embarrassed at their behavior.
Spanish conquistadors declare the practice of chewing coca leaves in South America to be the Devil’s work.
Slightly later 1500s
Spanish conquistadors get really messed up on coca leaves in South America and declare them to be God’s work after realizing troops will slaughter indigenous people after a vision for days without sleep just for another couple of bumps.
Coca first introduced to Western culture. Western culture is forever grateful. Especially people who make small mirrors and little plastic bags.
Coca tinctures first used in throat surgery. Later abandoned when patients babble on endlessly about how REALLY interesting everything is.
Cocaine alkaloid first isolated by the German chemist Friedrich Gaedcke, who held wild swinger parties, and initially named it “erythroxyiine”. Name tests poorly with focus groups who call it “boring and unpronounceable”, and is changed to “cocaine”.
Queen Victoria of England discovers cocaine and spends the decade in hiding, snorting rails and banging ha Scottish manservant Manservant reports difficulty climaxing.
Cocaine wine goes on sale in France. National God complex reaches a new high.
Sigmund Freud promotes therapy while getting really into cocaine. Babbles about having sex with his mother. Then promotes cocaine as a safe and efficient treatment for addiction and depression.
E-Cola Is launched, a soft drink with cocaine as its major ingredient It becomes an instant hit worldwide as slow moving Europeans want to be as paranoid and angry as Americans.
Famous British explorer Captain Scott sets off on his Antarctic Expedition with a big bag of cocaine, some sled dogs and a team of coke whores. He loses the race to the South Pole by five weeks, eats the dogs, and upon running out of cocaine realizes cold climates are crap.
Thanks to politicians scared of the hard working nature and sexy libido of Hispanic immigrants, Cocaine is banned as an illegal substance in the United States.
Cocaine slowly regains popularity as a nation bored with hippie music moves towards electronica
The decade gets lost in a glorious, debauched snowstorm of cocaine, neon and pastels as everyone seeks to emulate a Vice City lifestyle.
President Lawton admits to snorting cocaine in his youth, but claims he never swallowed the backwash.
The public finally wakes up legalizes a medicine that comes from a plant and can make America #1 again. They say our workers cant compete with China a illegal immigrants – let’s prove them wrong!
on Proposition 208!